Anyway, I’ve actually been quite busy and I’m actually quite happy with how my life’s going.

I’m single which I’m really glad about- it’s a major worry lifted, though my ex-boyfriend still isn’t out of my life and I don’t think he will be any time soon, despite how much I want him to be(though I keep reassuring the complete contrary because I’m selfish and what not).

I’m back on my favourite forum which I’m also really glad about, though it seems the forums I joined when I left that forum I’ve become completely inactive on >_<! I plan on becoming more active on them though ^_^.

But most of all I’ve started going on Skype for hours a day and I know this might sound stupid but I actually feel for the first time in years that people genuinely enjoy talking to me… I know for most people that it’s guaranteed some people will automatically enjoy talking to them, but I’ve just always felt people have not enjoyed talking to me, or I’ve always been questioning why they were talking to me, assuming there was some sort of ulterior motive other than wanting to talk to me for perceived genuine intents(find the person interesting, like their personality, etc.). Even people who made a genuine effort to be my friend I thought didn’t like me but just felt sorry for me. Even my own (now ex)boyfriend I was sure was delusional or a liar to like me as a person(long story short that’s basically true but yeah ). LOL.

So to feel like people like you for who you are and actually _want_ to talk to you because they enjoy your company means a lot to me. Admittedly, just online, but it still means a lot.

Anyway… I’m bored now… CBA with writing dem stupid blog posts .

-Emor.

If you’re wondering why it’s so dark it’s because I don’t like people seeing my whole face in my videos.

And yes, I know, my voice is pretty deep and I sound like a man. LOL.

But I do think I make a fair point.

-Emma.

Anyhoo, it’d appear I am back ^_^.

Where did I go? No where- I just couldn’t be bothered informing you about the vanity my life had devolved into(okay, it was always, and will always be vain, but the REALISATION- loosing my delusion that there was some point! ROFL![DRAMA QUEEN ;D!]). Nah… to be honest, I just wasn’t content with where things were going in my life and the sudden, and some what unwelcome changes I was presented with in my life.

So I got rid of them. I broke up with James.

I felt somewhat guilty for James’ perceived sadness(which later turned out to be disguised anger) because it wasn’t really his fault(it was to a certain extent, but not enough to warrant a break-up) however he’s been a total jerk about it up to now so that guilt has now gone and replaced with a mild disliking.

I personally think I’ve been very civil about the whole thing. He’s stormed off several times(well, actually, every time I’ve had a conversation with him at school that has lasted more than 10 seconds), told me he loves me like 10 times(in my opinion when the other party establishes several times that they want it over and it’s not negotiable that is rather… out-burstish? LOL), told me he only said he loved me to get back with me, told me the only reason he ever dated me was because I was the only one who would date him, apologised several times, etc. I could go on…

Me? Well, all I’ve done is break-up with him with a decent justification, been exceptionally reassuring, and sometimes laughed with contempt when I’ve expressed disapproval with him saying such things, only for him to display a face of confusion(he honestly doesn’t see what is wrong in saying such things :/… I don’t mind if they’re the truth- my life is just a giant delusion, I don’t even mind when he agrees when I state such things, but blatantly stating them is just uncalled for, especially when I didn’t say anything to provoke such acts of hatred).

But yeah, that’s it. I’ve had it with relationships. It’s not that I’m too young for a relationship as such, it’s just the guys around me are too young for me. Yes, however narcissistic and egotistical that may sound, I seriously can’t stand guys my age. They’re all idiots. Don’t get me wrong, so are the girls, but at least I don’t have to make an effort with them. To be fair I do talk to guys more often but that’s just because the majority of my time I spend talking is in an argument and guys(sorry all my male readers[which is indeed my entire user-base, rofl]) have a greater tendency to make outrageous statements. Females do too but they have other intentions. Guys just do it to be all alpha-male(a.k.a being a jerk ). LOL.

Oh, Emor, you’re so sexist .

No I’m not- I genuinely do think all sexes suck.

But yeah, I think I’m going to wait until I’m in College or something so I can date someone with similar interests to me. Josh was the only one I could have a decent conversation with and that was about computers.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love computers, but I like a bit of variety. As you may have noticed I have a wide spectrum of interests- you simply don’t find that in guys my age. They’re just interested in computers and video games.

I also like video games- more the hardware and stuff as opposed to actually playing them(I get so bored playing games, they’re not stimulating enough… I start to think of other things while playing on them)- but you can’t conduct the entire social aspect of a relationship around one subject- which the two can be placed under(technology).

Even if I could, not to boast, but the guys my age have no were a similar extent of knowledge I do on the subject than they do :/… I mean, having an entire conversation about why Windows 7 sucks based purely on the UI is… degrading… LOL…

So, yeah. Basically, what I’m saying is, I’m superior to people my age and am far too intelligent to mingle with such peasants .

Nah- they have their pros, I have mine. There’s simply no over-lap though. That’s what I’m saying.

I’m crap at sport. Everyone else is fucking amazing. I’m good at computers. Everyone else is crap. Etc.

But yeah. That’s my justification for why I’m not going to date any guys in my year.

In all honesty I probably would if they asked because I’m so damn desperate(I act like I lead my life in a logical manner but the truth is I just justify my emotional requirements with a logical explanation ^_^). LOL.

I do actually seriously believe though that I’d say no.

But past experiences express the contrary.

So yeah.

Past experiences don’t show me dumping a guy though.

So maybe they’re not reputable.

Anyway.

New topic.

(My God, 900 words on a relationship? You’d think you were some High School female, Emor! LOL)

SO, me and mah possie(the possie consisting of one online friend, of course) have started a major project.

Code-named The Blimp Project, it gleams in epic-1337ness and shall be the first ever social networking site where an IQ of above -20 is required.

It shall be the first place where the exclusion of vowels shall not be the norm but what the unworthy of flammatory use an inferior form of communication.

It shall be were intellectuals meet to exchange cultural differences from all over the world with an open-mind.

There will be no prejudices.

And most of all, it’ll have the highest prevalence of acquired situational narcism sufferers on any social networking(with the exception of WrongPlanet- I’m not that fucking ambitious)! LOL.

But yes. The Blimp Project shall be truly unique. People will no longer have to venture the interwebs for the opposite party to reciprocate their esoteric messages as opposed to get nothing but a mere emoticon of confusion!

The true potential for this site is inevitable.

Which I suppose is a good thing because I’m not really allowed to go into much detail anyway .

For project development updates feel free to visit our development site(perpetually behind in development… for irony’s sake of course):

http://www.theblimpproject.co.nr

Anyway, fair-well my fellow readers! We shall meet again another post!

-Emma.

First he insisted he’d pay. To be honest, I didn’t really want him too but eventually I settled on, ‘Fine, I’ll pay next time’ xD.

Then when we got into the cinema we talked for a bit.

The night before we were emailing, and the night before that, Thursday, we were doing the same. We’re so much more open over email.

On Thursday he told me he loved me and then on Friday night he elaborated on that significantly. Friday at school was a bit awkward because we’d said so much on Thursday and then it was back too normal like nothing happened… But he made it obvious he wanted to email me again and I really wanted to email him as well.

Thankfully today wasn’t like Friday .

Now you have to understand that we hadn’t even held hands so it might not seem like a lot but meh.

So half way through the adverts he said something really nice, I think about how I look and then took my hand in both of his hands and rubbed it while looking at me smiling . That was awesome ^_^.

Eventually the movie progressed and we started talking a bit more about what we talked about over email on Friday and then he put his hand around my shoulder and I leaned my head on his . This went on  for like around 20 minutes .

Then we talked a bit more and eventually made out ! That was awesome… I forgot what it felt like, LOL.

We probably made out like 20 times, LOL.

It was EPIC ;D!

We also talked about College a bit which is ages away but we both want to go to the same one .

This is probably moving a bit too fast but yeah.

LOL.

BTW- I was thinking the exact thing- what happened to him wanting to move really slow?

LOL.

Anyway, I’m meeting up with him next weekend .

I don’t know where though.

-Emma.

But I just wanted to let you all know with a REALLY small update that I might be writing a book about sexuality which might result in less blog posts.

But yeah .

I’m excited ^_^.

-Emma.

So, lets face it- this blog isn’t going anywhere. So I’m going to start learning PHP and MySQL and I’m going to code a website… lets just say I think it’ll be very unique… And yes, it probably will use this domain. I’ll just make a separate blog directory or something for blog pl0x .

I learned a bit of PHP but started to get a head ache and stopped. Once in Year 8 and then the other time in Year 9. :/.

Not even bothered with MySQL xD. I do need to learn about these things though.

After this project’s done I also plan on learning some other languages, but I’m not going to come up with any project ideas ’cause I’ll just end up getting fed up of this one and moving on.

But yeah, I won’t be starting until early December . Because I’m going to buy a book on it.

This one specifically:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0764516507/ref=sib_err_dp

.

If it’s a big success I’ll also have enough money from Christmas(I’m just asking for money) to actually buy a server anyway .

So yeah- I’m not saying much because I don’t want to give it away, but I’ll just say it’s going to be a social networking site for clever people(sorry, but facebook and stuff is full of idiots). It’ll be a BIT like Wikipedia but with a far more heavier emphasis on the discussion side of it and not so encyclopaedic xD.

I’m excited though .

-Emma.

So I’ve not posted a new post(no shit xD) in a while now…

Meh .

So it’s like… Cross Country time… I’m interested to see if I’ll actually get a decent place or not… ANYWHERE in the middle is AWESOME.

I don’t really see this happening since all progress has probably been lost because I’ve not gone running for over a week now because of all the rain.

Meh.

I’ve also been talking to James more. We spend break and all of lunch together now. I have NO problem with this but I just don’t want to smother him and when I told him this he asked why I thought that and I said ’cause my ex thought I smothered him and he was like well that’s ONE guy… LOL. So I’m just going to let him say when he wants time alone xD.

ANYWAY… I’ve just spent like, 30 minutes hoovering room ’cause I spilt rice krispies and got the hoover out and it was like, ‘Well, it’s out now…’ XD.

But yeah, me and James might be going to the cinema this weekend or something. He asked me today and he was like, ‘we could go this weekend… or the next weekend… or the weekend after that…’ etc. XD. So IDK .

I’ve also, once again, reverted back to using Ubuntu, but I think I might type up my English essay on Mac OS X ’cause it’s just better for word processing imo… Open Word(or w.e it’s called, by openoffice.org) kind of sucks tbh w/ you…

Which reminds me- I have too much damn homework. I honestly can’t be bothered any more.

Which brings me to my conclusion, I have to go and do homework. KTHXBAI.

(Is this the shortest ever RTP post ?)

-Emma.

Okay. I’m fed up of writing these negative posts.

I just wrote one and I was just like, ‘Wtf… Urm… No…’.

My life’s going great so far, I have a boyfriend, I’m happy with my life, etc.

There shouldn’t be anything to bitch about! LOL.

I honestly wouldn’t read my blog if it was by someone else. It’s too god damn negative.

I think I need to increase my daily caffeine intake again… LOL.

By the way, I got bored of coming up with titles(as you may have noticed by my last post), so now I’m back to RaS… MY LIFE JUST GOT BORING AGAIN ;D! LOL.

So, everyone’s been saying recently that me and James look cute together. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing though. Sure, maybe 1 or 2 people… but after 5 it seems a bit unlikely that it’s a coincidence EVERYONE’S using the exact same phrase.

My brother also said his ex-girlfriend(my brother’s entire social circle is full of ex-girlfriends… actually, his two best friends are ex-girlfriends[awkward right? LOL]) thought we looked cute too :/.

I’m not sure really. My brother said I should take it as a compliment. My brother thinks I should take everything as a compliment though, LOL.

So anyway. How’s my day been I hear the millions of readers ask in anticipation of my response(that probably doesn’t even make any sense :/ LOL)?

WELL.

I skipped running for the third day in a row. Tuesday because I usually skip on Tuesday, yesterday was because it was hail-stoning and today because of an exam . I’ll go tomorrow no matter what… maybe I can make another exception if it’s hail-stoning or snowing though .

Anyway, the exam was good I suppose. There was two 30 minute exams, one biology and one physics. The biology one was easIER(not easY) and the physics one… well… I just skipped the last question which was 4 marks and I probably got at least 2 wrong elsewhere so the chances of me getting an A* are virtually non-existant… I’m trying to be optimistic on the A though . Biology… I’m hoping A* but it’s probably A or below. XD. It’s 25% of the overall Science GSCE-thingy btw (each exam=12.5% ;D).

After the exam I sat with James at break… and OMG ABNORMALITY OUT OF THE 3 BREAK TIMES WE’VE SAT TOGETHER!!! This time James sat next to me instead of opposite me- when there were two chairs to sit opposite me .

Which reminds me, I’ve decided to be over-analytical about these things deliberately now. WHY EMOR!?!? GOD DAMMIT WHY!? Well, the truth is, most things do have a meaning. When I smile at a guy 9/10 times it isn’t some random thing. I don’t think I smile at guys anyway, and the few I do it’s just because I know them pretty well- BUT, lets just act for a minute I was normal (I love doing this, it’s so fun ^_^ LOL), it’d mean something.

So why the hell would I sit on the same side when I could be all normal and sit on the opposite? HEH?

Oh, wait.

I forgot to also mention that he apologised for randomly sitting with his friends in the last Science revision class. Like, he sat with me at the start then randomly moved(I personally wasn’t that bothered and didn’t make it obvious that I was a tiny bit bothered xD). I’m personally happy he did ’cause it’s a relief that it wasn’t me(OR WAS IT O_O?) .

But I think the two might be linked to be honest with you so maybe he was just putting emphasis on him wanting to sit with me by sitting on the same side of the table as me.

Meh .

SO. FINAL VERDICT…

Do you prefer:

A) Cynical Emor.

B) Unrealistically happy Emor(this is her by the way… LOL…).

?

-Emma.

So, I now have no idea what to do.

I was talking to James(that’s his name, idk if you guys know it) at break today and I was like, ‘So, should I take your number or something so we can arrange a time or something?’ and then he tried to change the subject and then said something like, ‘Shouldn’t I be the one asking these questions?’. I didn’t know what that meant, so I just asked why and he said something like, ‘I think we’re going too fast…’ and then changed the subject again o.O…

Okay, so I’m not going to be critical of him being honest.

But I mean. I just don’t understand. When you’re going out with someone it’s not being too fast to arrange to go on a date with them, afaik. It’s the entire concept…

I think though from now on I’m going to take a step-down and let him make the next steps. Not to be bitchy but just so he can be comfortable.

It is a bit awkward though, admittedly, that I’m the female and apparently I’m going too fast :/. That’s not sexist- it’s just statistics. LOL.

But yeah, going slow…? I don’t like the idea of that at all. Though I’m not going to pressure him.

God, I sound like such a bitch in this post. LOL.

The good thing is he’s fun to talk too.

I do consider it a rather casual thing. We’re too different for this to last any more than a couple of years(which I know is decades in high school years but yeah)…

I also don’t think I’m going to tell him too much about me personally. I’m so totally not telling him I’m bi as well- he uses the phrase, ‘gay boy’ and stuff …  and he’s an Altar Boy too(ikr o.o… Emor… dating an Altar Boy…).

I know I’m being really critical.

But it’s hard to read him.

I have NO idea where this is going now :/.

I know he’s not trying to be awkward and that when he gives mixed signals it’s probably because of him alternating from different confidences or something.

But it still sucks for me to figure out what he wants.

I personally don’t have THAT big of a problem taking things slow- it’s just… not seeing each other outside of school?

That’s extremely slow.

I’m wondering why.

Maybe he does just want to get to know me better.

But today he brought up how he dated this other girl before me and how it ended in a disaster.

That’s all he said. I might ask him tomorrow though what happened(he asked me what happened with me and my ex-boyfriend from school).

I also might apologise if I was going too fast.

Not because I’m actually sorry because imo I wasn’t even going fast but because he might actually explain.

There must be some reason.

Anyway, today in the social skills group it was awkward.

‘Cause this guy blurted it out to the person who runs it and then she starts going on about dating.

And we’re just like there going, ‘Yeah…’ and stuff ’cause we’re not even dating technically.

:/.

Also, the group was really boring after that. They kept lecturing and repeating the lecture to this guy about arriving late at school.

Meh.

Any advice about what I should do with James would be awesome .

Or should I just not do anything and act like nothing happened?

-Emma.

EDIT: Oh, apparently it’s episode 6 now… ROFL. IDK what’s happening to 3 & 5 then XD.

-Emma.