Awesome Obsession

So… I’ve probably wasted around  a months hosting. Fun . LOL.

Anyhoo, it’d appear I am back ^_^.

Where did I go? No where- I just couldn’t be bothered informing you about the vanity my life had devolved into(okay, it was always, and will always be vain, but the REALISATION- loosing my delusion that there was some point! ROFL![DRAMA QUEEN ;D!]). Nah… to be honest, I just wasn’t content with where things were going in my life and the sudden, and some what unwelcome changes I was presented with in my life.

So I got rid of them. I broke up with James.

I felt somewhat guilty for James’ perceived sadness(which later turned out to be disguised anger) because it wasn’t really his fault(it was to a certain extent, but not enough to warrant a break-up) however he’s been a total jerk about it up to now so that guilt has now gone and replaced with a mild disliking.

I personally think I’ve been very civil about the whole thing. He’s stormed off several times(well, actually, every time I’ve had a conversation with him at school that has lasted more than 10 seconds), told me he loves me like 10 times(in my opinion when the other party establishes several times that they want it over and it’s not negotiable that is rather… out-burstish? LOL), told me he only said he loved me to get back with me, told me the only reason he ever dated me was because I was the only one who would date him, apologised several times, etc. I could go on…

Me? Well, all I’ve done is break-up with him with a decent justification, been exceptionally reassuring, and sometimes laughed with contempt when I’ve expressed disapproval with him saying such things, only for him to display a face of confusion(he honestly doesn’t see what is wrong in saying such things :/… I don’t mind if they’re the truth- my life is just a giant delusion, I don’t even mind when he agrees when I state such things, but blatantly stating them is just uncalled for, especially when I didn’t say anything to provoke such acts of hatred).

But yeah, that’s it. I’ve had it with relationships. It’s not that I’m too young for a relationship as such, it’s just the guys around me are too young for me. Yes, however narcissistic and egotistical that may sound, I seriously can’t stand guys my age. They’re all idiots. Don’t get me wrong, so are the girls, but at least I don’t have to make an effort with them. To be fair I do talk to guys more often but that’s just because the majority of my time I spend talking is in an argument and guys(sorry all my male readers[which is indeed my entire user-base, rofl]) have a greater tendency to make outrageous statements. Females do too but they have other intentions. Guys just do it to be all alpha-male(a.k.a being a jerk ). LOL.

Oh, Emor, you’re so sexist .

No I’m not- I genuinely do think all sexes suck. …

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SOOO… I went to the cinema with James today.

First he insisted he’d pay. To be honest, I didn’t really want him too but eventually I settled on, ‘Fine, I’ll pay next time’ xD.

Then when we got into the cinema we talked for a bit.

The night before we were emailing, and the night before that, Thursday, we were doing the same. We’re so much more open over email.

On Thursday he told me he loved me and then on Friday night he elaborated on that significantly. Friday at school was a bit awkward because we’d said so much on Thursday and then it was back too normal like nothing happened… But he made it obvious he wanted to email me again and I really wanted to email him as well.

Thankfully today wasn’t like Friday .

Now you have to understand that we hadn’t even held hands so it might not seem like a lot but meh.

So half way through the adverts he said something really nice, I think about how I look and then took my hand in both of his hands and rubbed it while looking at me smiling . That was awesome ^_^.

Eventually the movie progressed and we started talking a bit more about what we talked about over email on Friday and then he put his hand around my shoulder and I leaned my head on his . This went on  for like around 20 minutes .

Then we talked a bit more and eventually made out ! That was awesome… I forgot what it felt like, LOL.

We probably made out like 20 times, LOL.

It was EPIC ;D!

We also talked about College a bit which is ages away but we both want to go to the same one .

This is probably moving a bit too fast but yeah.

LOL.

BTW- I was thinking the exact thing- what happened to him wanting to move really slow?

LOL.

Anyway, I’m meeting up with him next weekend .

I don’t know where though.

-Emma.

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No, this will be a seperate project .

But I just wanted to let you all know with a REALLY small update that I might be writing a book about sexuality which might result in less blog posts.

But yeah .

I’m excited ^_^.

-Emma.

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Okay, I’m probably not but right now I really do feel like I will. I’m just saying I probably won’t because the number of times I’ve said this and I’ve not even started the project, never mind finished it.

So, lets face it- this blog isn’t going anywhere. So I’m going to start learning PHP and MySQL and I’m going to code a website… lets just say I think it’ll be very unique… And yes, it probably will use this domain. I’ll just make a separate blog directory or something for blog pl0x .

I learned a bit of PHP but started to get a head ache and stopped. Once in Year 8 and then the other time in Year 9. :/.

Not even bothered with MySQL xD. I do need to learn about these things though.

After this project’s done I also plan on learning some other languages, but I’m not going to come up with any project ideas ’cause I’ll just end up getting fed up of this one and moving on.

But yeah, I won’t be starting until early December . Because I’m going to buy a book on it.

This one specifically:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0764516507/ref=sib_err_dp

.

If it’s a big success I’ll also have enough money from Christmas(I’m just asking for money) to actually buy a server anyway .

So yeah- I’m not saying much because I don’t want to give it away, but I’ll just say it’s going to be a social networking site for clever people(sorry, but facebook and stuff is full of idiots). It’ll be a BIT like Wikipedia but with a far more heavier emphasis on the discussion side of it and not so encyclopaedic xD.

I’m excited though .

-Emma.

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So I’ve not posted a new post(no shit xD) in a while now…

Meh .

So it’s like… Cross Country time… I’m interested to see if I’ll actually get a decent place or not… ANYWHERE in the middle is AWESOME.

I don’t really see this happening since all progress has probably been lost because I’ve not gone running for over a week now because of all the rain.

Meh.

I’ve also been talking to James more. We spend break and all of lunch together now. I have NO problem with this but I just don’t want to smother him and when I told him this he asked why I thought that and I said ’cause my ex thought I smothered him and he was like well that’s ONE guy… LOL. So I’m just going to let him say when he wants time alone xD.

ANYWAY… I’ve just spent like, 30 minutes hoovering room ’cause I spilt rice krispies and got the hoover out and it was like, ‘Well, it’s out now…’ XD.

But yeah, me and James might be going to the cinema this weekend or something. He asked me today and he was like, ‘we could go this weekend… or the next weekend… or the weekend after that…’ etc. XD. So IDK .

I’ve also, once again, reverted back to using Ubuntu, but I think I might type up my English essay on Mac OS X ’cause it’s just better for word processing imo… Open Word(or w.e it’s called, by openoffice.org) kind of sucks tbh w/ you…

Which reminds me- I have too much damn homework. I honestly can’t be bothered any more.

Which brings me to my conclusion, I have to go and do homework. KTHXBAI.

(Is this the shortest ever RTP post ?)

-Emma.

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Okay. I’m fed up of writing these negative posts.

I just wrote one and I was just like, ‘Wtf… Urm… No…’.

My life’s going great so far, I have a boyfriend, I’m happy with my life, etc.

There shouldn’t be anything to bitch about! LOL.

I honestly wouldn’t read my blog if it was by someone else. It’s too god damn negative.

I think I need to increase my daily caffeine intake again… LOL.

By the way, I got bored of coming up with titles(as you may have noticed by my last post), so now I’m back to RaS… MY LIFE JUST GOT BORING AGAIN ;D! LOL.

So, everyone’s been saying recently that me and James look cute together. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing though. Sure, maybe 1 or 2 people… but after 5 it seems a bit unlikely that it’s a coincidence EVERYONE’S using the exact same phrase.

My brother also said his ex-girlfriend(my brother’s entire social circle is full of ex-girlfriends… actually, his two best friends are ex-girlfriends[awkward right? LOL]) thought we looked cute too :/.

I’m not sure really. My brother said I should take it as a compliment. My brother thinks I should take everything as a compliment though, LOL. …

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Okay, so today has been rather eventful once again…

So, I now have no idea what to do.

I was talking to James(that’s his name, idk if you guys know it) at break today and I was like, ‘So, should I take your number or something so we can arrange a time or something?’ and then he tried to change the subject and then said something like, ‘Shouldn’t I be the one asking these questions?’. I didn’t know what that meant, so I just asked why and he said something like, ‘I think we’re going too fast…’ and then changed the subject again o.O…

Okay, so I’m not going to be critical of him being honest.

But I mean. I just don’t understand. When you’re going out with someone it’s not being too fast to arrange to go on a date with them, afaik. It’s the entire concept…

I think though from now on I’m going to take a step-down and let him make the next steps. Not to be bitchy but just so he can be comfortable.

It is a bit awkward though, admittedly, that I’m the female and apparently I’m going too fast :/. That’s not sexist- it’s just statistics. LOL.

But yeah, going slow…? I don’t like the idea of that at all. Though I’m not going to pressure him.

God, I sound like such a bitch in this post. LOL.

The good thing is he’s fun to talk too.

I do consider it a rather casual thing. We’re too different for this to last any more than a couple of years(which I know is decades in high school years but yeah)…

I also don’t think I’m going to tell him too much about me personally. I’m so totally not telling him I’m bi as well- he uses the phrase, ‘gay boy’ and stuff …  and he’s an Altar Boy too(ikr o.o… Emor… dating an Altar Boy…). …

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Okay, so I know I’ve not posted in a while… but I wanted to compress certain predicted events all into on blog post which meant waiting .

So, to confirm, I’m now dating the guy. Though I asked him ’cause I got fed-up of waiting. LOL.

It is a bit worrying though to be honest because my friend told him and guaranteed that I’d say yeah but he was still too nervous. I hope he gains some confidence around me or things are going to progress very slowly.

It’s also hard to tell what he feels. When I asked him out he smiled and then said, ‘Yeah, whatever…’ and so I thought he didn’t want to for some reason and then I ask one of his best friends and he’s all like, ‘He was thrilled in the next lesson!’ So IDK. Figuring out what people feel is already a giant bitch for me and his reluctance to not show happiness is going to be hard .

Don’t get me wrong though, I’m glad I’m dating him .

Anyway, due to various reasons everyone in the entire school knows. So whenever I talk to him there’s a crowd of 5-17 people or so making comments :/… The sexual ones are extremely awkward too since we’ve not even held hands(yeeer sexual holding hands innit ;D ROFL!)…

I’m being serious though, I actually can’t be assed with having to make those stupid hints about sex and letting it happen naturally… I’ve done that like, 3 times or something now and it’s just awkward. …

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Okay, so not in a universal context.

Just for me.

.

But yeah .

Today was _extremely_ eventful. I might go as far to say it was the most eventful day in terms of significant social relational establishments(I honestly do not know if that is even proper sense… I quite literally just typed whatever the hell came into my mind there).

I’ve also noticed that me and interpreting things… the do NOT go.

So, it turns out, this guy, which doesn’t happen to be, ’said person’(read previous posts), likes me, and one of my best friends has known for around two weeks.

What’s weird is that I didn’t notice or suspect anything until lunch time today(well, break time) that this guy most likely likes me.

Again, I’m hesitant to go into too much detail because I still don’t know who reads this blog and who will read this blog in the future and I’m fed up of deleting loads of content whenever I give someone a link to a site I own :/.

But basically, I’m thinking that in the next week it’s going to be rather spontaneous… I’m not very sure right now what exactly is going to be happening, but I’m thinking some pretty big changes in my social life are going to occur… …

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Well, today I think I got my self in a fair bit of trouble.

There’s certain things I hate. Like, _really_ hate. Most people just say, ‘Aww… that’s tight’ and walk away, however, I, I get pissed off and have a giant rant.

Admittedly, I was the target- but my friends have been in the same situation and I’ve got pissed off at people doing it.

Anyway, what happened.

Well, I’m a person who a lot of the time sits alone. This is for various reasons, mainly that I just don’t enjoy eating with people and never really understood what was considered fun about it. Another is that I generally feel excluded when I do sit with people, but it mainly is because of the former.

Now, most people who sit on their own have such crappy self-esteem it impairs their capacity to make friends, or so the assumption is.

SO, you have complete dick heads taking their table(there’s tables of fours and tables of eights- people who want to sit on their own sit on a table of four) when they’re clearly not welcome.

This happened to my friend 2 years ago and I felt the urge to bash the guys head into the table, but I didn’t, instead I just swore at him and told him he was another derogatory term. I just think it’s pathetic people target those who clearly don’t have the confidence to stand up for them self for their own personal gain.

Anyway, so someone did that today with me and I basically had a giant rant to them and kicked them off(people perceive me as not a very violent person… in truth I just get violent over things most wouldn’t take so much offence over). I went on about how it’s pathetic that you perceive me as having a low self-esteem and ergo decide to be some sort of parasite off that and be abusive of it, how treating people you perceive as inferior to you by a messed up ranking system as utter crap can lead to them later killing them self and how he should be arrested for accessory to murder, etc. …

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